"Dear Diary..." 27/01/2021 & 29/01/2021

"Dear diary" is a series i created to show what it's like living with mental illness of a daily basis. We aren't constantly thinking about ways to undead ourselves but we can also be prone to overthinking (and in my cause mindless rambling). I wanted to share my own personal experience to let you know you aren't alone if you're feeling all these things and to also create a space where people feel safe to share their own extracts. If you need somewhere to write out your thoughts and feelings, just create an account and add a blog post. You'll find that a lot of people can probably relate and you aren't in this yourself. So here's some extracts from my actual journal. Welcome to my madness, i apologise in advance.

Summary: Two extracts from two different days. Your negative thoughts don't cloud your brain forever and you'll be able to see the good in yourself, even if it takes a few days.

27/01/2021

I never understood the phrase "nobody can love you until you love yourself" because people have shown me love when I didn't believe I was loveable. So why do I think nobody can believe in me when I don't believe in myself. It's hard to recognise all the hard work I put in when I don't think that work is worth anything. So I'll keep trying to remind myself I can make anything happen even when it feels like the world is burning around me, but I'm also on fire.

29/01/2021

I'm proud of myself today, I know I can't believe I'm writing those words either. But I'm finally working towards where I want my brand to be, the space I want to create. I think I'm also slowly becoming a person I sort of like, jumbled words and all. I don't care what else I'm known for as long as I'm also known for being nice.

Reminders: Kindness is a good trait to have, never let it go and never believe it's a weakness.

These two days were so incredibly different and show how quickly I can go from doubting myself to actually believing I might be a likeable person, which is still insane to me that that's a thought I've had. Depression can make your mind be so set on doubting yourself that you forget everything else you've achieved and all the good qualities you have. It's hard to believe in yourself when you're in a depression pit but I'm a prime example that your bad thoughts don't last forever. You might think your world is crashing around you but a few days later you can see the sun. Your depression episodes won't last forever and it does get better. Just keep holding on and surviving your bad days, I promise you'll be able to see the good in yourself one day soon.